Author: Angela Wilcox

How to Turn Your Life Around

The road to success is rarely straight. Anyone who has achieved success in any area of their life will likely tell you that their journey was not an easy one. Roadblocks, dead ends, disappointments, bad decisions, and failures (collectively referred to as “experience”) are often the stepping-stones that forge the path to success.

Most people who have achieved success have also hit rock bottom somewhere along the way. But it was the experience of hitting rock bottom that gave these individuals the motivation they needed to make dramatic changes in their life and propel them towards success. As the attitude and achievement expert Dr. Willie Jolley once said: “a setback is a setup for a comeback.”

If you wake up one day and realize that the life you’re living is not the life you want, don’t beat yourself up about it. Accept where you are, and more importantly, accept the responsibility for changing where you’re going to be.

You cannot change your life overnight, but you can most certainly change the direction of your life overnight.

Here are 12 things you can start doing immediately to turn your life around and get back on track to achieving success:

1. Read daily

If you want your life to get better, you need to start making better decisions. To make better decisions, you need to equip yourself with new ideas and better information. Get into the habit of reading at least 10 pages of great information every single day. At this rate, you’ll be able to finish at least 1 new book per month, for a total of 12 new books per year.

Don’t read fiction. In most cases, fiction is meant to entertain you, but not empower you. You should alternate between non-fiction categories that have a direct correlation to the areas of your life you want to improve. Examples of good categories include: health, personal finance, wealth creation, relationships, business, self-help, spirituality, productivity, success, and inspirational biographies. The wisdom and ideas you will get from these types of book will undoubtedly help you to succeed.

2. Put your goals in writing

Without question, the most successful people in the world all have goals. Their goals are the benchmark against which they measure their results. People without goals often have no direction. Like a hamster on a wheel, they move but go nowhere.

Turning your life around begins with identifying exactly what you want to achieve and then creating a strategy for achieving it. Give your goals deadlines, and identify the resources you will need and the actions you must take in order to accomplish them. Read your goals every morning when you wake up and every night before you go to sleep to ensure your mind stays focused on your objectives.

3. Dissolve relationships with people who hold you back

There may be some people in your life that you are better off not spending time with. Not everyone has habits or attitudes that are conducive to success, and unfortunately those habits and attitudes are contagious. Like crabs in a bucket, these people are the first to pull you down the moment they see you trying to climb to a higher level. You may have friends, coworkers, or even family members who fit this description.

It is not always a good idea to abruptly cut people out of your life (doing so typically arouses resentment). Some relationships should be dissolved gently. Gradually decrease the amount of time you spend with the people who you don’t want around you as you move forward. Use the time you would otherwise be spending with them to build new relationships with positive people who support and encourage your success.

4. Stay hydrated and exercise regularly

Success doesn’t come easy. It takes a lot of hard work. In order to put in the work necessary to get to the next level without burning out, you need to build up large reserves of physical and mental energy.

The first thing you can do to immediately increase your energy levels is to drink more water. Water helps replenish your system, improve digestion and eliminate waste from your body. Many people make the mistake of thinking they are tired or hungry when in reality they are just dehydrated. Drink a large glass of water as soon as you wake up, drink a few glasses throughout the day and before each meal, and drink another glass in the evening before you go to sleep.

The second thing you should do is exercise for at least 30 minutes (go for a run or go to the gym) no less than 3 times per week. Regular exercise helps strengthen your heart and lungs, improves your flexibility and strength, helps manage your weight, prevents illness, decreases stress, and it even helps you to get better sleep – all of which have positive effects on your energy levels, overall health, focus and productivity.

5. Start a savings plan

There’s an old Chinese Proverb that says: “The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second best time is today.” When it comes to saving money, this philosophy is just as valid. If you haven’t been saving a portion of your income for investment and future use, the best time to start doing so is now. Most financial planners would agree that you should be saving a minimum of 10% of your monthly income on a consistent basis. Unfortunately most people spend the majority of what they earn (sometimes more) and invest very little for the future.

Don’t make the mistake of working hard for money, and then using that money to pay everyone else except you. Pay yourself first. If you don’t think you have the discipline to do this, go to your bank and arrange for a percentage of the income you deposit to be immediately transferred to a savings or investment account. Learn to live off of at least 90% of your income. Your future self will thank you for it.

6. Turn your car into a classroom

If you work full-time, you probably spend somewhere between 5 and 10 hours per week commuting to and from work. Instead of listening to music or the radio during this time, start listening to inspiring and educational content. Most books have an audio version, and there are plenty of great podcasts that you can listen to for free on iTunes. With an abundance of great content on virtually every subject at your disposal, you don’t have to go back to school to get more education.

7. Stop watching TV

If you pay for a monthly cable subscription then do yourself a favor and cancel it. Seriously. Watching television is arguably one of the most toxic, unproductive, time-wasting activities of modern society. Stop wasting precious hours of your day on negative news, sports, advertisements, and reality shows that add no real value to your life. Start using the hours you waste channel surfing on activities that are more productive.

If for whatever reason you just can’t live without watching a specific game or episode, then add it to your schedule, watch it online (on Apple TV or Netflix, for example), and make it a social event by inviting friends or family to join you.

8. Practice public speaking

The ability to speak confidently and communicate articulately is one of the most valued and rewarded skills in the marketplace today. People who are good communicators are able to navigate their way through life with ease and enjoy more success than those who are not. They earn promotions, they build key relationships, they present their ideas clearly, they resolve disputes, and they typically earn the respect and admiration of the people around them. They are leaders in their organizations, their families, and their communities.

Most people are terrified of speaking in public, and they will do almost anything to avoid it. This presents a tremendous opportunity for those who are willing to step out of their comfort zone and develop this rare skill. One of the places you can go to practice your communication skills in a non-threatening, positive environment is your local Toastmasters club. Most of these clubs host weekly meetings where anyone is welcome to attend and participate. As you become a stronger communicator, people will begin to perceive you as a leader, and more opportunities will come to you as a result.

9. Stop complaining

One of the worst habits a person can have is the habit of complaining. People who complain are usually negative and pessimistic by nature. Don’t be one of them. If you encounter problems or challenges, don’t complain about them. If you catch yourself complaining about something, bite your tongue and reframe the situation. Complaining about a situation doesn’t change it. Get proactive and focus on finding a solution. A Napoleon Hill once said: “Every adversity carries with it the seed of an equivalent or greater benefit.” Look for the benefit in each situation.

10. Learn a new skill

A great way to bring some more excitement into your life is to learn something new. Consider learning to play an instrument, learning to speak a new language, joining a club, taking a class, or playing a sport you’ve never played before. The purpose of doing this is to ignite your sense of wonder and creativity, while simultaneously getting you out of your comfort zone and into new experiences.

11. Start a business

If you don’t already own your own business, there is no better time to start one than right now. Advances in technology have removed virtually all barriers to entry for aspiring entrepreneurs. Anyone with an internet connection and a credit card can start a business, and there is no shortage of training and resources available to help you get started.

For about as much as it costs to stay in a hotel for a weekend, you can buy a web domain, create a website, print some business cards, place a few ads online, and start promoting yourself to the marketplace. You could sell a service (graphic design or consulting, for example), sell your own products, or promote someone else’s products in exchange for a commission.

12. Look for opportunities to help others

Most people think only in terms of what they can receive from others instead of what they can give to others. But the law of reciprocity teaches us that if we want to receive, we should give. Giving ignites the receiving process.

If you want to feel good, one of the simplest yet most effective ways to feel good is to do something to make someone else feel good. If you want people to treat you with more respect, start treating other people with more respect. If you want your life to get better, help someone else’s life get better. The more you do for others, the more others will want to do things for you.

February 10, 2015
Self Esteem Struggles and Solutions

Many people look in the mirror and see someone they don’t like very much. They see faults, flaws and failures. They feel shame, embarrassment and maybe even anger toward themselves.

Part of the reason some people have poor self-esteem is a discrepancy between expectations and reality (though this reality is usually distorted). According to Ryan Howes, Ph.D, psychologist, writer and professor in Pasadena, California, “Deep down we’ve all constructed an idea of who we ‘should’ be: how we should look, act, think, feel and be regarded by others.”

Not meeting these “shoulds” can have a negative impact on self-esteem. “When we fail to match those standards, one response may be frustration, anger or even hatred for the parts of ourselves that don’t measure up,” he says.

The Origin of Self-Esteem Struggles

Low self-esteem can result from a variety of factors, according to Celeste Gertsen, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist in Port Jefferson, Long Island, who specializes in helping people overcome self-esteem struggles. “Low self-esteem can stem from problems in the family, societal problems (such as poverty or discrimination) or an internalization of loss,” she says.

It can develop at a young age. “It starts early, as soon as we’re old enough to know our own name,” Howes says, possibly sparked by the desire to get our needs met. As he explains, all of us have a need for “attention, love, safety, affirmation and belongingness.”

We learn that we have some control over getting these needs met. When these needs aren’t met, however, we look for reasons why. Howes gives the example of getting rejected by a friend. Some people automatically assume that the rejection is personal, either because they weren’t charming enough or are just flawed in general. (In reality, there are many reasons for rejection. A person might be “… choosing the wrong type of friends or basing the friendship on something negative like substances or gossip,” Howes says, or it may be simply a matter of poorly developed social skills.)

“String together enough of these beatings and I’ll begin to blame my poor social skills for my loneliness — the beginning of self-hatred,” Howes says.

Why Some People Struggle But Not Others

Regardless of their experiences, some people seem to struggle more than others with their self-esteem. Why? According to Howes, a shaming environment may be one explanation.

In shaming environments, individuals internalize the idea that if they act out, they’re not just behaving badly, but they are bad, Howes says. “A boy sneaks a cookie from the cookie jar — is he told that is the wrong behavior, or that he’s a bad boy? If the message that you are fundamentally bad is drilled in enough times, it tends to stick.”

And this belief that you’re bad at your core colors your entire perspective on life. “Good things that happen to them are a fluke, bad things are what they truly deserve and end up reinforcing their shame,” Howes says.

According to Gertsen, “some people internalize negative events, see negative events as permanent and all encompassing (global) while others see [one] as temporary and don’t internalize the negative event.”

Alternatively, believing that you’re a generally good person who makes mistakes helps you to accept your flaws and work on them, Howes explains.

Thus, adjusting a distorted perspective is crucial in working through self-esteem issues. “When people can take a non-distorted look at themselves, they’ll see they’re like everyone else, with strengths and weaknesses,” Howes says.

Challenges & Strategies to Build Self-Esteem

“Trying to help someone accept that they are OK can be as difficult as telling them what they always thought was the color green is actually red,” Howes says. Initially, it seems unthinkable: “It just can’t be.”

Low self-esteem and its accompanying distorted perspective also can serve as an anti-anxiety strategy that brings comfort. “In a way, self-hatred is a system they’ve known and one that has worked,” Howes maintains. People might think, “If it’s always my fault, I don’t have to confront anyone or feel ill will toward others,” even though asserting your boundaries and being able to communicate effectively with others are essential tools for healthy relationships.

Similarly, for some, taking an accurate look at their limitations and even strengths can be sobering. Since “self-acceptance doesn’t mean whistling a happy tune and feeling great all the time,” Howes says, some people may be wary of assessing their attributes. “Both [strengths and weaknesses] could mean we have some work to do — using our talents or working on our shortcomings.”

When working with clients to improve their self-esteem, Gertsen also runs into various challenges. Clients might lack social support, repeat behaviors that create negative results or dismiss or not appreciate their positive qualities.

Fortunately, there are many ways to bolster self-esteem. Howes helps his clients “gain some perspective and see that while they may have work to do in one area (procrastination or physical health, for example), they have many other qualities of equal or greater importance (intelligence, loyalty, kindness, for example).”

Doing charitable work also can help someone chip away at their low self-esteem, because, according to Howes, “It’s hard to simultaneously hold onto self-hatred when you’re actively engaged in acts of charity.”

He says that it’s tougher for people to rationalize that they’re terrible if they’re helping others, thereby helping to quell negative self-talk. “When people begin to care for others they’re doing, feeling and creating goodness. It’s difficult to rationally say ‘I made three people’s lives better today, but I’m no good.’”

Gertsen says that positive psychology offers many techniques for building self-esteem. She suggests finding people “who support your growth and development,” seeing a counselor, problem-solving what you can change, accepting the things you can’t, finding activities that you love and engaging in them regularly and reducing “physical stress with meditation and exercise.”

February 7, 2015
Facing Your Fears To Overcome Adversity

The best way of dealing with any fear, rational or irrational, is to confront it. I think this is conventional wisdom. Everyone has the experience of growing up and being afraid of all sorts of things: the monster under the bed, standing up in class, being left home alone, being threatened by a bully, and so on. These fears go away after a time when the young person looks under the bed, stands up in front of class repeatedly, spends enough time home alone and develops the physical skills and experience to stand up to bullies. It is appropriate, however, for young people, and adults too, to be afraid in certain circumstances. Indeed, we teach our children to be afraid of intruders, of falling from too high a height, of crossing a street against the light, and so on. We also, sometimes, inadvertently, teach them to be afraid in general: of illness, of strangers, of not eating enough or sleeping enough. Some children grow up to be frightened adults. They are said then to be suffering from an anxiety disorder. They recognize that their fears are exaggerated, but these fears persist, sometimes indefinitely, because they do not confront their fears. For that reason, the essential treatment of phobias, for instance, or obsessive-compulsive disorder, is to require patients to expose themselves to the things they fear.

Not uncommonly, anxious people have trouble figuring out whether their fears are justified or not. Either way, they must confront them. If it turns out there is a real danger of some sort, perhaps the chance of being in an automobile accident, for instance, there is the opportunity to take measures that make the danger less severe, perhaps by wearing a seat belt. If the danger is not real– for example, the infinitesimal danger of an airplane crashing– repeated exposure will make the frightened person unafraid–unfailingly. Sooner or later.

Two things are worth considering:

1. As much as possible, the anxious person should try to determine the chances of whatever he fears actually happening. In the case of a cancer, for instance, it may turn out to be as little as one in ten thousand. The chance of dying in a plane crash are approximately one in two million. The anxious person is not entitled to think superstitiously that he is destined to be that one. Anxious people are no more in danger from life than anyone else.

2. Paradoxically, even if the danger is extremely unlikely, imagine that worse case scenario. It is not usually the case that you are imagining death itself; but rather some intermediary catastrophe. Like cancer, for instance. But cancer is not always the end. There is a “well, then…” that comes after “What if…?” “What if I get cancer?” “Well, the cancer you are imagining can be treated.” In such a way, it is possible to desensitize oneself from imaginary fears.

“What if my car breaks down in the middle of the night?”

“Well, then, you can call the police to send someone to fix it.”

“But what if they can’t fix it?”

“Well, then, you can call someone to pick you up.”

“But, suppose I can’t reach anyone?”

“Well, then you can call a taxi.”

And so on.

February 5, 2015

How to Stop Letting Your Own Thoughts Torture You

depression can occur under many circumstances but most commonly is present in these two situations:

Sudden Severe Loss In this situation, the individual has experienced a sudden, perhaps surprising severe loss. This loss may be the death of a loved one, loss of a job, loss of friendship, or other grief process. In this type of depression, the patient can clearly identify what is creating the depressed mood.

Long-term High Stress Level In this situation, the patient is depressed but can’t quite put their finger on the cause, the “I’m depressed but I don’t know why” condition. Imagine running a video tape of your life, reviewing the past 18 months. Look at the stress you’ve been under, the amount of responsibility, the number of pressures, and the number of hassles. In actual clinical practice, this cause of depression is seen more often than sudden loss. This type of depression creeps up on you. When this type of depression is experienced, the patient offers comments such as: “I don’t know what’s wrong!” “I don’t know how I feel.” “My feelings are numb.”

Your Emotional Hurt Can Seriously Alter Your Brain Chemistry

The human brain operates, much like your automobile, on fluids called neurotransmitters. Just as your automobile has brake fluid, antifreeze, transmission fluid, and oil – your brain runs on these neurotransmitters. Some give us energy, like those related to adrenalin, some control body movements (“dopamine” as an example), and some control mood.

The brain neurotransmitter often associated with depression is called serotonin. Serotonin is the brain’s “oil”, a rather slow-acting neurotransmitter that is associated with sleep, appetite, energy, alertness, and mood – just to name a few. Using the automobile as an example, if we drive our car to California at a speed of 120 mile per hour, running the engine hot for a long time, it would obviously use more oil. As long as we provided gas, however, it would continue to run. Now suppose in our trip that for every two quarts of oil we burn, we only replace one quart. By the time we reached California we’d be several quarts low and our engine would be obviously overworked and overheated.

During long-term high stress, the brain burns its’ oil, serotonin, at a higher rate. The bottomline in depression and stress: The brain burns up more serotonin than it can replace! In the end result, after many months of severe stress, the brain is using serotonin faster than it can create/replace it. Your neurochemical level of serotonin drops and you become depressed.

You’ll know your Serotonin level is low (and depression is here) by the following symptoms:

1	Most depressed folks experience early morning awakening, usually around 4:00 am (farmers are exempted). Serotonin, you see, controls our sleep cycle.
2	Concentration and attention will drop. Depressed children/students will experience a drop in grades. You’ll start putting odd things in the refrigerator (a bowling ball is the office record!), forget why you went to the grocery, and become very forgetful and scatterbrained at work/home.
3	You’ll lose physical energy. You can sleep for ten hours and you’ll still be bone tired. You will cry at the drop of a hat – driving down the highway, doing dishes, sitting at work, etc.
4	Sexual interest, appetite, and general interest will rapidly drop. You will stop answering the phone, stop visiting friends/relatives, and pull the blinds.
5	Most dangerous – your mind speed will increase. Your mind will race at what seems like 200 miles per hour. Depressed people often tell their doctor “I can’t get my mind to stop!” The minute you wake up in the morning – it will start up.

	Your brain will then turn against you. It will reach in your memory and pull out every bad memory it can find – abuse as a child, failed relationships, etc. – anything to make you feel bad and especially guilty. You will be tortured by your own thoughts.
6	As your mind speed picks up, the “garbage truck” will arrive. While the brain is already torturing you with the past, it will create/invent new ideas/thoughts to torture you. In every case of depression, if the depression stays long enough, you will receive the same “garbage” thoughts from your mind. You will be told:
		– you are a burden to your family/friends– you have failed/disappointed your family- no one really cares about you- your children would be better raised by someone else – your family would be better off without you – your spouse would be better off without you – you are going crazy and there’s no hope – it would be better if you weren’t around – you would be better off dead – you should probably kill yourself
7	As part of the “garbage truck”, your mind will try to make you as uncomfortable as possible. You may be flooded with thoughts of violence (against yourself and others), you’ll think you are condemned by God, or you’ll think you deserve this condition for some reason. Your garbage will also tell you that if you seek professional help (physician, psychologist, psychiatrist, etc.) that you’ll be committed to an institution forever.
8	When depressed, your brain begins running a mental “video tape” of your worst hits/experiences. If married, a mental tape of the marriage is played daily, only focusing on the worst experiences. If you are young, you will suddenly become preoccupied with your upbringing, who got the best gym shoes, the favorite child, the car you never received. Frequent if not constant thoughts and preoccupations about past problems and issues is a common sign of depression.

In short, depression is a neurochemical reaction to severe and prolonged stress, either suddenly surfacing or gradually creeping up on you over a period of many months. The treatment for this dark cloud is much easier than you think.

The IDS and QIDS assess all the criterion symptom domains designated by theAmerican Psychiatry Association Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders – 4th edition (DSM-IV) (APA 1998) to diagnose a major depressive episode.

Treatment for Depression Will Speed Your Recovery

Treatment for depression frequently involves two programs, one using antidepressant medication and the other repairing the damage done by months of “garbage”. In all current research, the best way to recover from a severe depression is using both methods.

Medication Treatment: Remember the automobile example, being several quarts low after running too hot for too long. Depression is treated medically in a similar manner – we add a few quarts of oil until the fluid level (Serotonin) is normal. In depression, we use antidepressant medication to “add” the brain’s oil, in most cases, Serotonin. An antidepressant medication slowly increases the Serotonin in the brain. Prozac, Zoloft, and the newest “Paxil” are antidepressants especially made for this purpose. They form a new class of antidepressant medications, SSRI’s, or (ready for this?) Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRI).As in the automobile, as your “oil” level goes up, your symptoms go down. Most antidepressant medications require at least four to six weeks to increase the serotonin level significantly although you’ll notice improvements after the first week. Antidepressant medications, the SSRI’s for example, often stop crying spells in five to seven days and stop the “garbage truck” in five to ten days.

Psychological Treatment: Psychologists and other therapists work with you to repair the damage done by the “garbage”, helping you sort out reality from what your brain has fed you over the past many months. Many people feel going to a psychologist or therapist involves laying on a couch and talking about your toilet training during childhood – Nonsense! Modern psychologists are experts in not only brain chemistry, but how to repair “thinking” damage and rebuild/reconstruct your confidence. The combination of medication and therapy is extremely effective.

Usually, successful treatment for severe depression involves both medication and therapy/counseling. With both, you can expect normal sleep to return first, followed by a slowing of mind speed and the garbage truck leaving.

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2	If you are depressed, expect your brain to be filled with mental garbage – get ready for it! During this time, do not take action on those garbage thoughts and make no major changes in your life. It’s best to wait until the garbage truck leaves before making decisions that will or may change our life.
3	Depression has been researched by physicians, psychologists, psychiatrists, scientists, and others. Listen to the advice of your professionals who study depression – not your neighbors or your aunt Gladys. If placed on medication, you may be told “Don’t take that Dope!”. Remember, the people giving you advice don’t have a 200 mile-per-hour garbage truck following them! Stick with professional opinion. Depression is a chemical problem, not caused by demons, devils, poor eating habits, a new moon, or other old-wives tales.
4	You may have other symptoms with your depression, such as severe anxiety or agitation (pacing, no sleep at all, “hyper”, etc.). That only means another neurochemical has kicked in. In these cases, a psychiatrist can best select the medication for the combination of anxiety and depression.
5	When you are depressed, those who love you will become a pain-in-the-butt. They will “bug” you constantly, trying to cheer you up, giving you advice (“snap out of it” is most common), and trying to be by your side. Children will become shadows when their mother is depressed, almost protecting Mom. Be prepared for this.
6	During depression, remember that your brain goes on a bad-memory hunt, looking for old memories to torture you. Be prepared to relive or re-feel old hurts, old doubts, old guilt, and old sorrows. Be curious about what memory files the brain selects rather than focus on those memories. You can expect your brain to constantly replay the video tape (your “worst hits” tape) of your life. You’ll feel guilty for things you did as a child, mistakes you made ten years ago, etc. You’ll live in the past as long as the depression remains. It may interest you to know that as the serotonin level increases, the “past” returns to the past as a memory – not a torture.
7	As your brain tortures you, it may “lock on” horrible thoughts. You may feel you have a terminal disease. You may become preoccupied with guns, evil thoughts, etc. Often, individuals feel they are somehow contaminated by a killer disease, fearing they will pass it to their family. One husband brought his wife in for treatment when she began fixing breakfast in a surgical mask and rubber gloves! One man sought treatment at the office after nailing his closet door shut with 148 nails – his brain became preoccupied with the shotgun in that closet, telling him to kill his family and then himself. In other depressed situations, people become obsessed with other issues, almost always “the road not taken”. Often viewed as mid-life crisis, a straight-laced businessman now wants a Harley and a tattoo while another individual begins suddenly thinking about a past sweetheart. In almost all of these situations, the individual acts totally out of character.

8	All depressed folks look for escapes. Common methods of trying to escape depression are excessive alcohol use, drugs, sexual relationships, changing jobs, etc. A lot of good marriages are lost during these times as the spouse of the depressed partner hears “I’ve got to have space” or “I’ve got to get away and find myself!” You’ll find these escapes don’t work. These methods only complicate your depression and your recovery. Best bet – don’t make changes, just get to a professional.
9	Most people classify all medications that act on emotions as “nerve pills”. This is far from the truth. Psychiatrists actually have medications for anxiety/nervousness (Valium, Ativan, Xanax, etc.) and those for depression (Elavil, Prozac, Zoloft, Sinequan, etc.). Different brain chemicals are involved in each condition and many people make the serious mistake of taking an antianxiety medication for their “nerves”, thinking they are treating their depression – Wrong! While you will be calmer, you will stay depressed. It’s like drinking six beers for a broken arm – you might feel the pain less but your arm is still broken. A psychiatrist is most qualified to select the proper medication for your condition.
10	If you are placed on medication, don’t expect an immediate recovery. With antidepressants, it’s similar to refilling the oil in the car, only at 1/8th of a quart a day. As you continue to take the medication, your mood will slowly improve as the serotonin level increases in the brain. When depressed, every day is bad and full of mental garbage. As medication continues, you’ll have a bad, then good day. As serotonin gets higher, you’ll have a bad morning, then three good days. In short, it’s bad-and-good at first, then finally good days with routine hassles. No one is happy all the time. People that are happy all the time are institutionalized – it’s not normal. “Normal” is a good mood with normal reactions to the stress of everyday life.
11	In selecting a therapist/counselor, each one is different. All have different personalities, styles, and attitudes. Select one that has your style and most important – somebody that makes sense. If you meet one that says “I don’t believe in medications” – get out of there! That therapist is about thirty years behind modern treatment. Often, your family physician is in a position to recommend the best therapist in your area. You can also look for signs of acceptance in the professional community, such as hospital privileges. You may have to shop around to find a therapist right for you. As a word of caution, many inexperienced therapists or those with limited training may miss the fact that you are depressed. You may arrive at the therapist office preoccupied about something in your childhood that actually happened 20 years ago. You may also fool your family physician with multiple physical complaints as when Serotonin is low, all body systems seem to go haywire. A properly trained therapist will not only asked about your life and upbringing, but about the physical aspects of your situation; your sleep, sexual interest, concentration, and other indicators of low-serotonin depression or stress. The inexperienced therapist might focus on the “garbage truck” thoughts and miss the big picture, the presence of depression. If you are clinically depressed, weekly discussions of your past as told by the garbage truck will only prolong your depression and possibly intensify it. If in doubt, consult your family physician to obtain a medical/physical view of the situation as most physicians are usually trained to recognize the indications of low-serotonin depression. If you think depression is part of the problem, ask your family physician to refer you to a psychiatrist or psychologist in your area.
12	Depression affects more than the individual with the depression – it’s a family-and-friends problem as well. If your spouse is depressed, he or she may be constantly talking about the history of the marriage and relationship. Remember, the “garbage truck” is running in their brain, thinking of every bad thing that has been done, said, or not done. The spouse that isn’t depressed is frequently “dumped on” with hundreds of accusations and thoughts that are long after-the-fact and totally beyond correction at this point. The nondepressed spouse may suddenly learn that their partner never did like their hairstyle, their mother, their choice of automobile, or the price of the house. The nondepressed spouse will hear many “thoughts” that were present at the time of marital decisions, often years ago, but were never mentioned. The nondepressed spouse may be awakened at night with accusations and complaints that may last for hours. The nondepressed spouse will be made to feel responsible for these unspoken wishes and will be helpless as the depressed spouse lists mistakes and misunderstandings that have taken place during the entire marriage/relationship. Even though they might have been discussed at the time, the nondepressed spouse will receive much blame for past events. If your son or daughter is depressed, they may suddenly withdraw from the family or become hostile. Due to their youth, most of their life experience is associated with the family, remembering that family experiences makes up 70 percent of their mental video tape. For this reason, the “garbage truck” will be reviewing every mistake or issue in their upbringing. In such cases, the parents are “dumped on” with what they did wrong, bad decisions they’ve made in raising the son/daughter, or feelings that were never discussed related to their brothers or sisters. With the low self-esteem created by the depression and stress, the son/daughter may be intensely rejecting, as though feeling they must reject the parents before the parents have a chance to reject them. The anger and hostility is often so strong that parents miss the fact that their son/daughter is depressed – they’re too busy dealing with accusations or hostility to see the depressed mood. Older sons and daughters may start apologizing for their behavior in their childhood, seeking forgiveness – despite the fact that they are now parents themselves. Parents may be shocked to find that their depressed married son/daughter is suddenly thinking of divorce in a circumstance that is “out of the blue” and totally unexpected. If a friend is depressed, they will suddenly have no interest in maintaining your friendship. They’ll stop calling, visiting, or writing. If your depressed best friend suddenly gives you their most prized possession or asks you to be included in their will to take care of their children – be on the alert! Such behaviors are often part of a suicide plan in which the depressed friend wants to “take care of business” before they leave this earth. At that point, a heart-to-heart talk is needed, perhaps offering to accompany them to a professional’s office for help. Many depressed individuals are brought to the office by their parents, friends, ministers, union stewards, or work supervisors.

February 3, 2015

7 Foods Known to Contribute to Depression

Burger King isn’t going to make you suicidal, at least I don’t think so. And funnel cakes at the beach might not make you bawl right there on the boardwalk.

But too much of some of this stuff and you may become unlikeable, to yourself and to everyone around you. A mound of research shows that what we consume goes right to our limbic systems, the emotional headquarters of our body.

If we feed it crap, we will feel like crap. If we treat it like the Cadillac we borrowed for the night, it will return the kindness.

Here are seven foods to try to avoid.

1. Refined sugar

A Milky Way sure does taste good going down and can provide us that pleasant rush of energy for 20 minutes; however, that treat and all refined sugar causes our blood glucose levels to plummet, resulting in a sugar hangover that disrupts our mood, depletes our energy, and is linked to sleep disorders.

2. Artificial sweeteners

Aspartame is bad stuff. Especially if you are prone to depression. It blocks the production of the neurotransmitter serotonin and causes mood dips, headaches, and insomnia. The artificial sweeters NutraSweet or Equal could also be bad news as well. If you really need a soda fix, go for the fully leaded. The refined sugar, while not health food, is better for you than the fake kind. (Splenda appears safe for now.)

3. Processed food

Consuming refined or processed carbohydrates — such as white bread, cereal, pasta, or snack foods — is going to cause the same impact on your blood sugar levels as eating a basket of jelly beans. Bagels are processed the same way donuts are. After the initial insulin boost, you will end up fatigued, irritated, and blue.

4. Hydrogenated oils

As if I haven’t already eliminated everything you eat, here is one more. Stay away from the fried chicken, the fried cheese sticks, fried calamari, and, ouch, French fries. Anything that is cooked with hydrogenated oils and contains trans fats could potentially contribute to depression. Also watch out for saturated fats, found in animal products such as deli meats, high-fat dairy, butter, etc. They can clog arteries and prevent blood flow to the brain.

5. Foods high in sodium

Fat-free foods might be good for your waistline but not all that great for your emotions. The excess sodium in these products can disrupt your neurological system, contributing to depression, and can muck up your immune system response, causing fatigue. Too much salt also leads to fluid retention and bloating, and I don’t have to tell you how depressing that is.

6. Alcohol

Alcohol is a [central nervous system] depressant. ‘Nuf said. If you have a history of a mood disorder, proceed with extreme caution. Your central nervous system is responsible for taking in information through the senses, controlling motor function, as well as thinking, understanding, and reasoning. It also controls emotion. Alcohol slows all this down, exacerbating symptoms associated with depression.

7. Caffeine

According to some experts, even a modest amount of caffeine can contribute to depression and anxiety. Caffeine disrupts sleep, making it more difficult to fall asleep and to stay asleep; those disturbances affect mood. It can cause agitation, tremors, and nervousness. Energy drinks, particularly, are bad news as some of them contain the caffeine equivalent of 14 cans of soda.

January 28, 2015
Quick Tips To Overcoming Anxiety

The Anxiety Trick

The Anxiety Trick is behind most of the trouble people have with chronic anxiety. Have you struggled to overcome an anxiety disorder, only to get disappointing results, or even feel worse over time? You’re being fooled by the Anxiety Trick.

This is a terribly common occurrence, and people mistakenly blame themselves for it. Here’s a more accurate, and helpful, way to understand this common and frustrating problem.

What is an anxiety disorder? It’s you getting tricked into feeling powerful fear in the absence of any danger.

It’s because there’s no danger that people seek help for these fears. People recognize that they’re getting afraid when they’re not in danger. If they were actually in danger, they would just protect themselves as best they could, and be better off for it.

With an anxiety disorder, people get afraid when they’re not in danger. Their struggle to protect themselves from fear leads them down a path of increasing trouble. That’s the anxiety trick.

How does this happen, that you feel fear in the absence of danger? This is the Anxiety Trick at work.

How You Get Tricked

* If you have Panic Disorder or Agoraphobia, you keep getting tricked into believing that you’re about to die, go crazy, or lose control of yourself.

* If you have Social Phobia,you keep getting tricked into into believing that you’re about to look so unreasonably nervous in front of people that you will be completely humiliated and be cast aside by your community.

* If you have a Specific Phobia, you keep getting tricked into believing that you’re likely to be overcome by some external object (like an elevator) or animal, or by your fear of it.

* If you have OCD, you keep getting tricked into believing that you’ve set in motion a terrible calamity. You might fear that your neighborhood will burn because you left the stove on, or that your family will get poisoned because you mishandled the insecticide.

* If you have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, you keep getting tricked into believing that you’re about to be driven mad by constant worrying.

In each case, the episode of fear passes without the expected catastrophe. You’re none the worse for wear, except that you’re more worried about the next episode. The details seem different, but it’s the same anxiety trick.

What is the Anxiety Trick?

The Anxiety Trick is this: You experience Discomfort, and get fooled into treating it like Danger.

What do we do when we’re in danger? We only have three things: Fight, Flight, and Freeze. If it looks weaker than me, I’ll fight it. If it looks stronger than me, but slower, I’ll run away. And if it looks stronger and faster than me, I’ll freeze and hope it doesn’t see so good. That’s all we have for danger.

When people experience the fear of a panic attack, or a phobic encounter, or an obsessive thought, they instinctively treat it as a danger. They try to protect themselves, with some variation of Fight, Flight, or Freeze.

How People Get Tricked

People’s natural instincts to protect themselves are what lead them to get tricked. See if you recognize your responses in these examples below.

A person with Panic Disorder gets tricked into holding her breath and fleeing the store (highway, theater, or other locale), rather than shifting to Belly Breathing. and staying there until the feelings pass.

A person with Generalized Anxiety Disorder gets tricked into trying to stop the unwanted “what if?” thoughts, rather than accepting them and taking care of present business as thoughts come and go.

A person with Social Phobia gets tricked into avoiding the party, or hiding in the corner if he attends, rather than say hello to a stranger and see what happens.

A person with OCD gets tricked into repeatedly washing his hands, or returning home to check the stove, rather than accepting the intrusive thoughts of contamination and fire and returning his energies to the present activities at hand.

A person with a dog phobia gets tricked into avoiding the feelings by avoiding all dogs, rather than spending time with a dog until the feelings pass.

What Maintains the Anxiety Trick?

You might wonder, why don’t people come to see this pattern, of repeated episodes of fear which don’t lead to the feared outcome, and gradually lose their fear?

The answer is this. They took these protective steps, and there was no catastrophe. They tend to believe that these steps “saved” them from a catastrophe. This thought makes them worry more about “the next time”. It convinces them that they are terribly vulnerable and must constantly protect themselves.

The actual reason they didn’t experience a catastrophe is that such catastrophes are typically not part of a fear or phobia. These are anxiety disorders, not catastrophe disorders. People get through the experience because the experience isn’t actually dangerous. But it’s understandably hard for people to recognize that at the time. They’re more likely to think they just had a “narrow escape”. This leads them to redouble their protective steps.

It’s the protective steps which actually maintain and strengthen the Anxiety Trick. If you think you just narrowly escaped a catastrophe because you had your cellular phone, or a water bottle; or because you went back and checked the stove seven times; or because you plugged in your iPod and distracted yourself with some music, then you’re going to continue to feel vulnerable. And you’re going to get more stuck in the habit of “protecting” yourself by these means.

This is how the problem gets embedded in your life. You think you’re helping yourself, but you’ve actually been tricked into making it worse. That’s how sneaky this Trick is.

This is why my patients so often say, “the harder I try, the worse it gets“. If the harder you try, the worse it gets, then you should take another look at the methods you’ve been using. You’ve probably been tricked into trying to protect yourself against something that isn’t dangerous, and this makes your fear worse over time.

How Can You Overcome
The Anxiety Trick?

The thing that makes fears and phobias so persistent is that virtually anything you do to oppose, escape, or distract from the anxious feelings and thoughts will be turned against you, and make the anxiety a more persistent part of your life.

This is why people notice “the harder I try, the worse it gets”. They’re putting out fires with gasoline.

If you come to see that you’ve been putting out fires with gasoline, you may not have any idea what to do next. But the first step is always the same: put down the buckets. Stop throwing gasoline on that fire.

This is where the cognitive behavioral methods of desensitization and exposure come in. They’re intended as methods by which you can practice with (not against) the symptoms, and become less sensitive to them. As you lose your fear of the symptoms, through this practice, that’s when the symptoms will fade.

All too often, people get the idea that exposure means going to a place or situation where you’re likely to get anxious, perhaps a highway or an elevator, and take a ride without getting anxious. That’s not the point! The point is to actually go there and feel the anxiety, being sure to stay there and letting the anxiety leave first.

Quick Tips To Overcoming Anxiety

January 27, 2015
How to Get Rid of Toxic Relationships in Your Life

People can be toxic in different ways, but regardless of what kind of toxicity they bring to a relationship, they just have to go. One toxic person in my life was manipulative of my time and resources, and another always talked about himself and how bad things continued to happen to him all the time. For my own sake and the sake of my family, I had to tell them both I didn’t want to hear from them again.

Sit down and really think about the relationships in your life. Think about how you react to those relationships. Do you find yourself screening phone calls because of one or two people? Are you avoiding activities you used to enjoy because a certain person makes them miserable? These are glaring signs that you’re in a toxic relationship.

When Toxic People Are Poisoning Your Life

Toxicity is the degree to which a substance can damage an organism. If someone is causing damage to your life, then he’s toxic and should be dealt with accordingly. People who suck the life out of you with negative attitudes, constant complaining, gossip, selfishness, or extreme dependency are damaging you in a way that can cause depression and anxiety.

You wouldn’t hesitate to cut toxins out of your diet, nor would you think twice before removing toxic substances from areas where your children play, so why is it that we are so hesitant to remove toxic people from our lives? The most obvious reason is that most of us like to avoid conflict and don’t want to hurt another human being’s feelings.

However, you need to have the courage to tell a toxic person the truth. Not only is this the only way to remove a damaging relationship from your life, but that person needs to have his feelings hurt so he can examine his life, face his own toxicity, and hopefully make a change. He may or may not change, but that’s up to him — not you. You can only change your own life by choosing who can be a part of it.

Freeing yourself of toxic relationships is not easy, but there are 3 steps you can follow that will help:

Step #1: Establish Boundaries and Don’t Apologize for Them

Boundaries are instrumental in maintaining your sanity and health. If people don’t respect your boundaries, they aren’t respecting you. Make a list of your own personal boundaries, and don’t be afraid to tell other if they cross them.

Step #2: Know that Toxic People Won’t Leave Easily

In any ecosystem, toxins must be met with powerful forces to eradicate them. Toxic people will not just “go away.” They may push back and become irrational, angry, or act like victims. Don’t beat around the bush or defend yourself; tell toxic people the truth and be consistent and firm in your decision.

Step #3: Recognize Signs of Toxicity in People

You have to learn to recognize the signs that a person is toxic, or it won’t be long before the seeds of toxicity develop stubborn roots. You must learn to protect yourself from toxic people in the same way you protect yourself from catching a cold by washing your hands and avoiding contact with infected people. Watch out for people who negatively affect your other relationships, invade your space, and take up a lot of your time. If a person makes you feel uncomfortable or unproductive, he’s probably toxic.

It’s Ok to Say, “I Don’t Want to See You Again”

Because toxic people are drawn to those who are empathetic and trusting by nature, it can be difficult for that kind of person to do what it takes to free himself. At first, you might feel as if you’re being harsh or mean, but recognize that it’s Ok to defend yourself and your sanity. If you value your physical, emotional, spiritual, and relational health, you’ll do what it takes to get rid of toxic relationships.

It’s important to remember that when you remove toxic people from your life, you’ll go through an adjustment period during which you might question your decision or rationalize the behavior of the toxic person. Be strong and remember that you are doing this for your own good — and for the good of your family. Negativity will eventually manifest itself physically and emotionally, causing a ripple effect that will impact both you and your loved ones.

The truth is that we need relationships, but we don’t need every relationship. Surround yourself with positive people who bring you up, rather than drag you down. You don’t have to sacrifice your sanity because you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. You don’t have to be controlled by your own kindness. You can be a good person without bending to the will of those who damage you with their own selfishness.

January 22, 2015
How to Overcome Failure
Facing Fears and Moving Forward

Have you ever been so afraid of failing at something that you decided not to try it at all? Or has a fear of failure meant that, subconsciously, you undermined your own efforts to avoid the possibility of a larger failure?

Many of us have probably experienced this at one time or another. The fear of failing can be immobilizing – it can cause us to do nothing, and therefore resist moving forward. But when we allow fear to stop our forward progress in life, we’re likely to miss some great opportunities along the way.

In this article, we’ll examine fear of failure: what it means, what causes it, and how to overcome it to enjoy true success in work, and in life.

Causes of Fear of Failure

To find the causes of fear of failure, we first need to understand what “failure” actually means.

We all have different definitions of failure, simply because we all have different benchmarks, values, and belief systems. A failure to one person might simply be a great learning experience for someone else.

Many of us are afraid of failing, at least some of the time. But fear of failure (also called “atychiphobia”) is when we allow that fear to stop us doing the things that can move us forward to achieve our goals.

Fear of failure can be linked to many causes. For instance, having critical or unsupportive parents is a cause for some people. Because they were routinely undermined or humiliated in childhood, they carry those negative feelings into adulthood.

Experiencing a traumatic event at some point in your life can also be a cause. For example, say that several years ago you gave an important presentation in front of a large group, and you did very poorly. The experience might have been so terrible that you became afraid of failing in other things. And you carry that fear even now, years later.

Signs of Fear of Failure

You might experience some of these symptoms if you have a fear of failure:
- A reluctance to try new things or get involved in challenging projects.
- Self-sabotage – for example, procrastination, excessive anxiety , or a failure to follow through with goals.
- Low self-esteem or self-confidence – commonly using negative statements such as “I’ll never be good enough to get that promotion,” or “I’m not smart enough to get on that team.”
- Perfectionism – A willingness to try only those things that you know you’ll finish perfectly and successfully.
“Failure” – A Matter of Perspective

It’s almost impossible to go through life without experiencing some kind of failure. People who do so probably live so cautiously that they go nowhere. Put simply, they’re not really living at all.

The wonderful thing about failure is that it’s entirely up to us to decide how to look at it.

We can choose to see failure as “the end of the world,” or as proof of just how inadequate we are. Or, we can look at failure as the incredible learning experience that it often is. Every time we fail at something, we can choose to look for the lesson we’re meant to learn. These lessons are very important; they’re how we grow, and how we keep from making that same mistake again. Failures stop us only if we let them.

It’s easy to find successful people who have experienced failure. For example:
- Michael Jordan is widely considered to be one of the greatest basketball players of all time. And yet, he was cut from his high school basketball team because his coach didn’t think he had enough skill.
- Warren Buffet, one of the world’s richest and most successful businessmen, was rejected by Harvard University.
- Richard Branson, owner of the Virgin empire, is a high school dropout.
Most of us will stumble and fall in life. Doors will get slammed in our faces, and we might make some bad decisions. But imagine if Michael Jordan had given up on his dream to play basketball when he was cut from that team. Imagine if Richard Branson had listened to the people who told him he’d never do anything worthwhile without a high school diploma.

Think of the opportunities you’ll miss if you let your failures stop you.

Failure can also teach us things about ourselves that we would never have learned otherwise. For instance, failure can help you discover how strong a person you are. Failing at something can help you discover your truest friends, or help you find unexpected motivation to succeed.

Often, valuable insights come only after a failure. Accepting and learning from those insights is key to succeeding in life.

Overcoming Your Fear

It’s important to realize that in everything we do, there’s always a chance that we’ll fail. Facing that chance, and embracing it, is not only courageous – it also gives us a fuller, more rewarding life.

However, here are a few ways to reduce the fear of failing:
- Analyze all potential outcomes – Many people experience fear of failure because they fear the unknown. Remove that fear by considering all of the potential outcomes of your decision.
- Learn to think more positively – Positive thinking is an incredibly powerful way to build self-confidence and neutralize self-sabotage.
- Look at the worse-case scenario – In some cases, the worst case scenario may be genuinely disastrous, and it may be perfectly rational to fear failure. In other cases, however, this worst case may actually not be that bad, and recognizing this can help.
- Have a contingency plan – If you’re afraid of failing at something, having a “Plan B” in place can help you feel more confident about moving forward.
Using Goal Setting

If you are afraid of failure, you might be uncomfortable setting goals  . But goals help us define where we want to go in life. Without goals, we have no sure destination.

Many experts recommend visualization   as a powerful tool for goal setting. Imagining how life will be after you’ve reached your goal is a great motivator to keep you moving forward.

However, visualization might produce the opposite results in people who have a fear of failure. Research shows that people who have a fear of failure were often left in a strong negative mood after being asked to visualize goals and goal attainment.

So, what can you do instead?

Start by setting a few small goals  . These should be goals that are slightly, but not overwhelmingly, challenging. Think of these goals as “early wins” that are designed to help boost your confidence.

For example, if you’ve been too afraid to talk to the new department head (who has the power to give you the promotion you want), then make that your first goal. Plan to stop by her office during the next week to introduce yourself.

Or, imagine that you’ve dreamed of returning to school to get your MBA, but you’re convinced that you’re not smart enough to be accepted into business school. Set a goal to talk with a school counselor or admissions officer to see what’s required for admission.

Try to make your goals tiny steps on the route to much bigger goals. Don’t focus on the end picture: getting the promotion, or graduating with an MBA. Just focus on the next step: introducing yourself to the department head, and talking to an admissions officer. That’s it.

Taking one small step at a time will help build your confidence, keep you moving forward, and prevent you from getting overwhelmed with visions of your final goal.
January 20, 2015
How to Stop Procrastinating
We all procrastinate from time to time. Sometimes it’s those mundane things – like sorting through old files, reconciling accounts, or tidying the linen cupboard. But often it’s the bigger things that require more time, more commitment, and put us at more risk of failing, looking foolish or feeling emotionally bruised. Things like updating our resume to look for a new job, confronting a situation that weighs us down, or pursuing a long held aspiration.

Of course people come up with all sorts of creative reasons why now, today, just isn’t the right time. Too busy. Too broke. Too stressed. Too risky. Too uncertain. Too inexperienced. Too old. Too young. Too disruptive. Occasionally those reasons are valid. But more often they are simply excuses for doing the real work and experiencing the emotional discomfort inherent in making meaningful changes in our work and lives.

At the core of that discomfort is fear. That potent and instinctive emotion whose reason for being is to protect us from pain (including the emotional variety) and urge us away from anything it perceives might threaten our sense of self, injure our pride, or rattle our world. However, left unchecked, those fears can drive us to cling on to the hope that if we procrastinate long enough, our situation will improve, or our misgivings will magically evaporate and be replaced with newfound clarity and courage. We tell ourselves that ‘one day’ we will be ready to make a change, or take a chance; that ‘one day’ the timing will be better, our confidence stronger, our circumstances easier.

Unfortunately the reverse is generally true. As the days roll steadily by, our fears grow larger, not smaller, until they eventually lead to a burial ground for unfulfilled dreams and untapped potential. All the time, our procrastination can exact a steep toll on our finances, career, business, relationships and health. We are loath to admit it, but in electing to put off today what can be done tomorrow, we inadvertently sell out on our happiness – both today, and in the many tomorrows that comprise our future. Philosopher William James was not understating the impact of procrastination when he said, “Nothing is so fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an unfulfilled goal.”

7 Strategies to End Procrastination and Start Into Action

Write down your goal and give yourself a deadline. A goal without a deadline can be put off indefinitely.

Break your goal into small pieces. The bigger your goal or the change you want to make, the more quickly it can send you into overwhelm. So if your goal feels daunting, break it into manageable, bite-sized steps. Remember, you don’t have to know every step of the way; just the next few steps immediately ahead.  Your next steps will become obvious as you move along.

Visualize the future you want. Imagine the emotions you will feel. Picture yourself in a favorite place celebrating what you’ve accomplished. Imagine those who love you most celebrating your success.

Harness fear. Fear is a powerful emotion that can keep us mired in excuses. Yet, by focusing on what you don’t want, you can harness it in your favor. So write down how you will feel a year from now if you do nothing. Be brave and really honest with yourself about the cost of continued inaction. After all, if nothing changes, nothing changes!

Build accountability. Enlist a support team or an accountability partner or, as I suggested. Recruit your own Personal Board of Advisors to help keep you focused and on track. Set up a time to check-in regularly and let them know ways in which they can help. For instance, to remind you of past accomplishments, and why you set about making these changes in the first place.

Reward progress. Set up a reward system to ensure you celebrate progress and small successes as you go along. Whether a fun activity with friends, or a treat for yourself, make it something that acknowledges your progress and effort.

Act bravely daily. Starting today. Building momentum is crucial as you start out. So commit to stepping out of your comfort zone at least once per day. Beginning today – before your fear-laden excuses, disguised as sheer laziness, kick in again. It can be something really small. After all, it doesn’t matter how fast you are going, so long as you are stepping forward in a direction that inspires you. So take that first step, then another, then another… after all – life rewards action!
January 17, 2015
How To Make Your New Years Resolution Stick

Start small

Make resolutions that you think you can keep. If, for example, your aim is to exercise more frequently, schedule three or four days a week at the gym instead of seven. If you would like to eat healthier, try replacing dessert with something else you enjoy, like fruit or yogurt, instead of seeing your diet as a form of punishment.

Change one behavior at a time

Unhealthy behaviors develop over the course of time. Thus, replacing unhealthy behaviors with healthy ones requires time. Don’t get overwhelmed and think that you have to reassess everything in your life. Instead, work toward changing one thing at a time.

Talk about it

Share your experiences with family and friends. Consider joining a support group to reach your goals, such as a workout class at your gym or a group of coworkers quitting smoking. Having someone to share your struggles and successes with makes your journey to a healthier lifestyle that much easier and less intimidating.

Don’t beat yourself up

Perfection is unattainable. Remember that minor missteps when reaching your goals are completely normal and OK. Don’t give up completely because you ate a brownie and broke your diet, or skipped the gym for a week because you were busy. Everyone has ups and downs; resolve to recover from your mistakes and get back on track.

Ask for support

Accepting help from those who care about you and will listen strengthens your resilience and ability to manage stress caused by your resolution. If you feel overwhelmed or unable to meet your goals on your own, consider seeking professional help. Psychologists are uniquely trained to understand the connection between the mind and body. They can offer strategies as to how to adjust your goals so that they are attainable, as well as help you change unhealthy behaviors and address emotional issues.

January 15, 2015